pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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