Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
