i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
