New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
