you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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