We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
