we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found the puke drawer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize