no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
