Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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