using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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