This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
