did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
