Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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