I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
