We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
