Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
