I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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