Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
