Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
