Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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