I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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