I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
