bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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