she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
