just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Barsexuality is the new black.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
