Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
