I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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