Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
