you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
