erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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