So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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