i dedicated my morning wood to you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
