Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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