I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize