I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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