I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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