Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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