i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You can't special order awesome
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
