So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
