Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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