once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
