I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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