I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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