I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
