I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
