Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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