We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
