maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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