does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
