talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
