Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
