I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
