I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
