i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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