you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
