Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
