You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
