I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
