Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
