I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
