i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
