OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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