Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
