You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
