i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You ruined the universe
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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