dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
