A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
