Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
