I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
