in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
