Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
