If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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