this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
