I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
