i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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