just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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