That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
